CGB Top Ten Worst Movies of 2015

As the year comes to a close, it is time to me to unveil my picks for the Best and Worst films of 2015.
I figure that I’d start off with the movies that were bland and uninspired at best and, at worst, were excruciating abominations that no one should ever have the misfortune of sitting through.
Hello darkness, my old friend.  I’ve come to speak to you again…

These are the Top Ten Worst Movies of 2015

10. The Divergent Series: Insurgent
Nine months ago, this was #1 on my list of Worst 2015 movies.  However, after suffering through the nine other flicks on this list, I have decided to spare Insurgent the shame of being the #1 pick.  However, the autopilot story, the unfocused pacing and the toxic relationship between main character Beatrice “Tris” Prior and Four/Tobias Eaton are enough to guarantee it a spot on this list.

9. Man from U.N.C.L.E
Was this painful to sit through?  No.  Was it boring and lacking in originality?  Why, yes, it was.  I understand that it’s based off of an old TV show, but that is no excuse for cardboard characters and a lackluster plot.
CGB review of Man from U.N.C.L.E here:

8. Pixels
I honestly feel sorry for this movie.  What’s pitiful is that for me, this movie wasn’t even rant-worthy.  It was an interesting concept that was placed in the hands of people who had no idea how to flesh out the concept into an engaging story.
CGB review of Pixels here:

7. Terminator Genisys
For the love of all that is holy, that’s not how you spell “Genesis!”
Okay, spelling errors aside, this is the Terminator reboot that nobody asked for and nobody cared about.  An overly convoluted plot on autopilot, bland characters who are Kyle Reese and Sarah Connor in name only, and a lack of understanding as to why people liked the past Terminator films in the first place earns Terminator Genisys a spot on this list.
Screen Junkies Honest Trailer for Terminator Genisys here:

6. Jupiter Ascending
This was the first film where I actually walked out after the second act.  This Andy and Lana Wachowski bomb is the Phantom Menace of 2015; a convoluted space opera with long-winded expositional speeches given by flat and boring characters.
CGB review of Jupiter Ascending here:

5. Fant4stic Four
I have a question for you: Let’s say you’ve spent a good chunk of your life working on a passion project (writing a novel, building an invention, proposing a scientific theory, finding ways to get rid of Jar Jar Binks; you decide).  If you were describing this project to someone, would you do so with a look of boredom on your face and a disinterested voice?  NO!  Of course you wouldn’t!  Yet that is how every single character in this movie talks.  It is so painful to see professional actors say their lines like they’re reading off of a grocery list.  Add that to the film’s neutered tone, sluggish pacing and an out-of-nowhere boss fight at the end and you’ve got yourself yet another crummy Fantastic Four movie.
CGB review of Fant4stic Four here:

4. Pan
The only good thing I can say about this movie is that my review of it is the most viewed post on Catholic Girl Bloggin’ (it currently holds 95 views), and that’s all thanks to you guys and gals who follow CGB.  🙂 Other than that, this migraine-inducing chore of a Peter Pan prequel was practically begging me to walk out on it, go home and pop in “Maleficent,” a much better live-action fairy tale, into my Blue-Ray machine.
Also, I don’t know how I forgot to mention this in my original review, but the Neverbird creatures look like characters from a Nintendo 64 game.  I felt embarrassed for the person who had to animate those things.
CGB review of Pan here:

DISCLAIMER: The top three worst films of 2015 all feature the same actor.  I swear I didn’t plan this.

3. Burnt
I really don’t like seeing you here, Bradley Cooper.  It also doesn’t help that this won’t be Bradley Cooper’s only appearance on this list.
Clunky expositional dialogue, forgettable characters, a plethora of clichés and an unfocused tone makes this movie is so bad that it made me lose my sense of place and time.  This was my second walk-out of 2015.
CGB review of Burnt here:

2. Aloha
Hello again, Bradley Cooper.
There are no words to describe my seething hatred for this movie.  I can’t even talk about this flick without getting mad.  Good Lord, Heaven above, I’d rather listen to Anakin Skywalker rant and complain about Obi-Wan than sit through this insufferable mess of a film.   The dialogue is unrealistic trailer-fodder, there are too many scenes that go nowhere and the sluggish pacing would make a turtle look like freaking Roadrunner!
CGB review of Aloha here:

From May to yesterday, Aloha was my pick for the #1 Worst Movie of 2015.
However, that all changed yesterday afternoon when I saw a movie that was so off-the-wall, so scattered in its story structure that during the first hour I went into the bathroom, looked at my baffled expression in the mirror and said aloud to myself, “You’re gonna walk back into Theater 9, sit your keister down on your comfy third row seat and stick with this thing till the end credits.”
It was a true test of endurance, but that is exactly what I did.  Yes, Star Wars was playing just down the hall, but I knew that I couldn’t let this movie beat me.
As a result, I have the film that saved Aloha from the #1 spot…

1. Joy
How did this thing pass test screenings?  How could any studio have approved of this mess?  Did no one on set tell director David O. Russell, “Hey, this film is pretty all over the place.  You might want to go back and do some more editing”?
I really wanted to like this movie.  I wanted to relate to this movie’s message about the plight of women in business.  However, I cannot recommend a film with a story that, thanks to gigantic leaps in time, is impossible to follow, unlikable characters who never rise above their selfishness for something greater, and awful pacing.  Look, Mr. Russell, no amount of different hairstyles can convince me that Jennifer Lawrence is forty.  You’re better than this, Katniss!
Yes, Bradley Cooper does show up in this trainwreck, as well.  Oh, Bradley, I really hope this doesn’t happen again next year.
CGB review of Joy here:

That concludes my list of the Top Ten Worst Movies of 2015!  My Top Ten Best Movies of 2015 will be posted soon.  🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s